Not long to go till the day of reckoning!
There’s just over a month left till the annual painfest that is the Badass kicks off and you submit yourself to the Bowland rack and thumbscrew. That damn crazy Lancashire Rain God still can’t seem to decide what he’s doing with the slippery stuff as usual, but badassing is still possible in the Bowland Badlands. It’s been nowhere near as wet as last year, and some serious training has been done thus far. The Professor has been keeping a beady eye on what many of our entrants have been up to. Familiar faces have been seen pounding out the miles in the local hills and some massive rides have already been posted on the interweb. Why it was just the other day that the Professor was driving one-handed home from Sainsburys in Garstang back over Bowgreave Hill with an open packet of sliced chorizo balanced precariously on his knee when he saw a Badass entrant coming the other way churnin’ and gurnin’ frantically as he tried to replicate the unendurable agony that awaits over this last tiny rise before the final mile back to Bowland Badass Headquarters.
What do you mean you haven’t been putting the miles in? What do you mean you’ve put on a stone since Christmas? What do you mean there is a layer of dust an inch thick on your bike? Hey, we know for sure that some of our braver entrants have actually been doing less than bugger all and frequenting the establishments of numerous ruthless cake and pastry purveyors in a steely-eyed determination to hit the Badass cold, with the minimum of preparation. Hey, it worked for a few guys last year, so that’s fine by us. There’s your first excuse for not doing it just gone out the window. What else can you think of? The weather? last year it planked it down for 12 long hours the day before the Badass. And on the day, THERE WAS SUNSHINE! There goes your second excuse. What your leg fell off and the surgeons put it back on the wrong way round and your time is currently being taken up in the courts pursuing a medical malpractice case? Hopalong you whinger! Get your bike out the garage and give the wheels a spin. We won’t take no for an answer……….you’ve paid us a tenner now just turn up and get your money’s worth.
What do you mean you haven’t entered yet? You lazy slug! As of this moment we’ve got 96 eager masochists through the door and spaces are drying up. Get that form in the post or suffer the ignominy of never being able to tell your grandchildren how stupid you were once…..