Breaking News! Badass route as hellish as ever!

We like to send out a local hard man to sacrifice himself on the altar of Badassosity each year at around this time. We do it just to see what the roads are like, and to demonstrate that the ride can actually be done, regardless of what all those naysaying health and safety numpties purport. As the Prof did it himself last year and swore it was the final time, this year he cast around for a likely candidate/mug, and lo, who should step in to the frame but his old mate and Strava foe, Dr. Toasted Teacake!. We set him forth last weekend on a rainy and windy day, on the proviso that if he failed to complete he would be the laughing stock of the entire universe, the entire parallel universe, and another entire universe obliquely parallel to that one (the second one, not the first one).

Teacake personally thanks the Prof for the opportunity

Toasted Teacake personally thanks the Prof for the opportunity

Approximately 12.5 hours after we’d packed him off early in the morning an unearthly series of anguished yowls was heard from the Long Lane area on the hills above Garstang. The atmospheric pertubations from this cacophony are said to have been responsible for the malfunctioning of nearby Dewlay’s enormous wind turbine, and early on Monday a farmer found 20 stiff, dead cows in a field bordering the Long Lane climb with their udders blown clean off and looks of bovine horror imprinted forever on their cold snouts. Apparently the Prof’s name was taken in vain on at least 20,000 separate occasions on this day.

Dr. Toasted Teacake reports that despite the strong westerly and heavy rain, he made reasonable progress due to the north/south nature of the route. A few more eating/retail establishments have ignored the economic downturn and hardily decided to open their doors along the way. Apparently, and most pleasingly, the road that zips down from the top of Marl Hill, across the crossroads, and along the Easington Corrugations in the heart of the Bowland area, has now degenerated to the point where it can now be classified as gnarly. Good luck with that you forthcoming Badasses!


Posted on May 13, 2013, in News. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Good move to point out the state of the road after Marl Hill – between km 82 – 83. I rode it in the opposite direction last week and it’s in a dire state – not just a few potholes but complete disintegration. ‘Interesting’ when climbing but if you hit it fast in descent it could be lethal. And it’s under trees so could be that tricky dappled light too.

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