Dreadful News! Council re-surfaces local road competently!

The Siberian fist that for so long has gripped the chilled gizzard of Lancashire with its relentless easterlies has finally retreated back whence it came, and everywhere the torpid forms of Badasses are stirring and stretching their limbs in readiness for the big test to come. Some eager Badassbeavers have already clocked a few hilly hundreds in preparation, whilst others are still getting their heads round opening up their garage doors. But all is well with the world, is it not? NO, it is NOT! A hideously shrill porcine squeal of existential angst was heard piercing the warming air from inside Badass mansions yesterday when Professor Badass discovered some terrible news.

Beautiful potholes

Beautiful potholes

Shit re-surfacing job

Shit re-surfacing job

Now smooth as a baby's bum

Now smooth as a baby’s bum

Remember last year when we warned all you 2012 Badasses about a gnarly section of local back road riding that the Prof had insisted on including at the tail end of the Bowland Badass route? Oh how dreadful it was to gurn your way painfully over this pot-holed, gravel-strewn stretch of tarmacadam hell after 160 miles of relentless pedal pushing in your crampy legs……oh how you suffered and cursed the Prof as you negotiated your way through this twilight moonscape of rocks and holes….oh how the Prof cackled with undisguised glee at your tales of horror and pain as you rolled zombie-like over the threshold of Badass Headquarters at the end of your ride…..

Well, it is no more. Some jumped up oik from the local council has somehow contrived to get this section of road re-surfaced for your convenience and easy riding pleasure, and the Prof is extraordinarily upset, so much so that he has been forced into a low level campaign of juvenile delinquency in protest against the petty fogging, health and safety first interference by barely elected, do-gooder, bargain basement politican numpties who “want to make a difference to the lives of local people”. They’ve made your lives easier. How very bloody dare they!!

Wheelying past the council's  "No cycling" sign

Wheelying past the council’s “No cycling” sign

Trespassing on the council's closed road!!!

Trespassing on the council’s closed road!!!


Posted on April 15, 2013, in News. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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